Raising a Child with Chronic Illness

By Dave Harney

Parents with healthy kids certainly have their work cut out for them, but the challenges they face seem easy compared to parents who have to raise one or more children with special health problems. 

Parenting Children with Health Issues, a new book by Foster W. Cline, MD, and Lisa Greene, contains a variety of techniques especially designed and presented to be easy for parents to utilize in a wide range of daily situations. 

Here are some tips from the book:

1.    Build character, creativity, and high self-concept by guiding children to solve their own problems. 

For example, say, “Oh, I bet that was frustrating for you! What do you think you’ll do?  How would that work out for you? Let me know how it goes.” 

2.    Ask children good questions rather than issuing orders, demands, and solutions. Examples include;

   How do you think this is likely to work out for you?
   How might other kids handle this situation?
   Are you thinking that summer school is in your future?

3.    Know the difference between “I can’t” and “I won’t” and how to respond accordingly.  If your child performs/ behaves better for others than for you then the “I can’t” may really be “I won’t.” 

4.    Share control by using choices, thinking words, and enforceable statements. Thinking words are a way of providing options instead of just saying no. “No, you can’t watch TV until your medical treatment is done” may result in a fight. Instead try: “Feel free to watch TV just as soon as you complete your medical treatment.”

5.    Lead by example and model the character traits you want the child to develop.
Take good care of yourself and not allowing others to treat you badly models self-respect for your child.

6.    Allow experiences to teach rather than lecturing, threatening, warning, ranting, raving, and rescuing.

7. Offer empathy and understanding rather than sympathy.
 
8.    Show high, but reasonable, expectations of the child’s ability to cope with life’s problems.

9.    Use encouragement, not praise, when children make wise decisions.
When your child succeeds, say “Wow! How did you figure that out?” or “Wow! I bet you are proud of yourself” more frequently than “I am so proud of you.”   
 

The book is Parenting Children with Health Issues:
Essential Tools, Tips and Tactics for Raising Kids with Chronic Illness, Medical Conditions, and Special Healthcare Needs, by Foster W. Cline, MD, and Lisa Greene.